Gifted

She was facially gifted. In addition, she had slim hips hugged by a purple skirt, topped with a white blouse. My hatred of her boiled my brain. She flipped long blonde hair over her shoulder and introduced herself to me; Channa was her name. Channa, pronounced Shayna not Chaina. Perfect, a new twist on Ashleigh, Tiphany, Merrie, and my favorite Quetlynne (Caitlyn in case you can’t recognize it.) She was blonde, petite and cute in the extreme. How was I going to share my granddaughter with this woman?
Since my grandaughter, Janie, was little she always wanted to marry a nascar driver, so when she actually married a rock star no one was surprised. Thick dark lashes shading warm, shining, brown eyes in the front row of Rock Star’s concert at the speedway in Charlotte took him down, down into the humble world of love and my Janie. Never one to listen to her mama, she went against her mama’s wishes and went to the concert with some friends. She went only because it was at the speedway and she hoped to see some of her favorite drivers in town for Saturday night’s race. At five years old Janie sent a letter to her favorite Nascar driver telling him she would marry him one day. The biggest thrill of her life at that time was receiving an autographed photo of Nascar Favorite. She was heartbroken to learn that he was already married. We thought it was so cute and harmless really. Since then, she’s been looking for a new favorite to marry, again, so cute… right?
The concert came to an end with one last encore and an overgrown hairy man extending an invitation to Janie and her friends to the after party. After several text messages to her mama, Janie and her friends went to the party. After several more text messages, months, sky rockets, shopping trips, more months, planning, laughing, crying, more shopping, talking, and butterflies , Janie married the rock star. It was a more than beautiful day. Ordered by angels, the day was full of sunshine, laughter, love and magic. And Channa,Rock Star's grandmother.
Extending her manicured hand to me, I had no choice but to offer my less than manicured hand in return. My hand only moments earlier had been fully involved with chicken, onions, oysters, and bleu cheese – it smelled super good compared to her white orchid gently wafting towards me. My boiling brain also added to the delightful exchange of “eau de vie.” She was lovely, my back fat was hanging over the top of my spanxs, a fact I did not know until the unofficial photos hit the checkout tabloids in my very own grocery store. Still she was gracious. She complimented me on the food, and my dress. I eyed her with disdain, smugly thinking of the hours she spent at the spa in order to achieve the perfection standing before me. We sat together.
She likes pinot grigio, I love pinot grigio. I like Kid Rock, she slept with Kid Rock. I was born in Kansas, she flew over Kansas once. She saw a chicken at Clint Eastwood’s ranch, I fry chicken every Sunday. It turned out we had a lot in common. On the dance floor I taught her to “two step” and she taught me to “drop it like it’s hot.” We rocked the dance floor.
The official photos came in the mail today. I spent several hours with Janie looking at them. The first run through was for ohh and aww. The second run through was for detail. Details like some unruly eyebrows sported by an Uncle featured in several pictures; unruly, like worse than Andy Rooney, God rest his soul. Also, I confirmed my back fat (I should have gotten the whole body sucker inner). The third run through revealed the feelings. It was the best. Janie looked happy with her rock star. The Rock Star looked happy with Janie. The sky was brilliant as if the heavens were happy. The ocean was more blue than usual as if the earth was happy. Janie’s dad looked proud even though he would be broke for the next two months. The guests stayed until the moon was high over the palm trees, dancing, eating and laughing. But my third favorite photo after the one of me and my ‘rock star drummer husband ’ dancing in the moonlight and the one of me and Janie dancing to one of our favorite country songs, was of me and Channa. Channa is laughing so hard that she has several chins, one eye is open, the other is closed, and her nose holes look really big. I on the other hand look fantastic; I am clearly enjoying myself and Channa. It turns out I might be facially gifted too.